You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So squirting runs in the family.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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