The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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