Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
