i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
