And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
