i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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