Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
