I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
