roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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