Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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