I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
