Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Too much gin, very little bucket
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
