I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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