if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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