I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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