she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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