help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
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So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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