I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
