Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
