i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
