I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
