do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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