The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
