using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
