So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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