We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
