I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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