Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
