If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
