I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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