You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
