she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
