belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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