Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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