she looked like the bat from fern gully.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
