I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
