I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish you could order shots online.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
