DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
