Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
