i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
