I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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