I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
