Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
