apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
