I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
