Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
