I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
