they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
