it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
