why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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