My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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