We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
