Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
