Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
