hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
