just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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