this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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