i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
