i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
