how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
