you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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