it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
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Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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