What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
