fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
