I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
