I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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