Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
