As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
