Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
